From the time we are “conceived” or maybe even before that, life is all about urgency. My parents met and then there we were – two children for them to take care of. I’m sure they couldn’t wait for us to grow up and go away.
I see my friends – girls and boys alike, running from one direction to another, ticking away their boxes on their list. Find a partner – tick. Make some babies or at least one – tick. Can’t make babies, seek medical help – tick. Try IVF baby – tick. Baby, yippiee – tick. Baby crying – tick. Baby babbling – tick. Baby toddling – tick. Baby speaking – tick. Baby needs to go to nursery – tick. Find a nursery – tick. Baby needs to go to school – tick. TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK…
All these tick-tick-tick could very well be the time ticking, because for everything there is a “time.” There is the biological clock, for instance. There is so much to do and so little time. Then there is…
“…promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”
Fortunately, for me there is no urgency… nothing is Urgent
The friends (and family), who are busy ticking away their boxes and feeling oh-so-accomplished, often look up from their list and look [down] at me. What they see gives them shivers down their spine. They see a “lone” woman, without a man/ woman (to love in sickness and in health, till death parts us), without a steady job, without a child, without a family to call her own, without any a.c.c.o.m.p.l.i.s.h.m.e.n.t.
Sometimes, they offer to find all “missing” elements that are missing from my life. Whaaaaaaaaaat?????
via Daily Prompt: Urgent
via Daily Prompt: Flattery Flattery
Growing up, I knew that I was never going to be the one to turn heads… I knew myself very well… however knowing oneself too well led to low self-esteem and self-loathing. Teenage years were the hardest as all my friends were becoming “finer with age”. And also because my mom happened!!
My mother was the most sincere person during my teenage years. I often heard her worrying over my acne and break-outs with her friends. I also heard her worrying over my weight with her friends whose daughters were the perfect size. I usually always (I don’t know how these two words go together but then again) overheard her being very sincere about her worries over my face/ body/ personality/ voice/ hair/ facial hair/ all the other hair. Those were her worries over me which I overheard (or rather made to overhear). Hence, words like self-worth, self-esteem flew out the window and in flew self-loathing, poor self-image.
Along came Kim. Kim and I had been fighting the same demons, according to Kim. According to me, Kim is wayyyyyyyy hotter than her namesake “Kardashian.”
Anyway, she taught me how we can deceive ourselves with a little bit of “self-flattery”. So we’d stand in front of the mirror and shout “I am beautiful” or things like that, flattering ourselves FULL ON! Then we used to laugh till our cheeks hurt. I don’t know why but I found our little “practice” very soothing, as if I was rediscovering my own self. It wasn’t about being beautiful or ugly, it wasn’t about being fat or skinny. It was about accepting the truth and being able to laugh about it. It was about accepting myself.
Well, I can turn heads now especially when I announce how beautiful I am and how no one may have seen anyone as beautiful. The heads do turn – to check twice – to make sure they’ve heard me right. Then those heads turn away. And once again I remember Kim and I standing in front of a mirror chanting our mantra and I secretly laugh. I’m sure the turned away heads do too.
Oh how I wish life out there were just the way it’s in here?! There’s a big beautiful world in here compared to a Big Bad world out there. Want some proof?
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