Tag Archives: Into the Wild

Truly Lonely

1 Nov

I’m happy to be part of NaBloPoMo as a consolation for not being prepared/ ready for the NaNoWriMo. Because my mind’s drawn a blank like it does every time I want to write – I’m taking help from the Daily Prompts.

When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely? 

I’m living a single life – result of my own choosing. Although many people may assume that it’s a lonely thing to do – I say, “feeling lonely” is entirely a different ball game. One may feel lonely being in a relationship or even in a crowd surrounded by kith and kin.

The last time I felt really, truly lonely was on a day when everything fell into place. Rather than writing about when it was last that I felt really, truly lonely – I’d like to write about when I do feel lonely.

I’ve realised, living all by myself – away from family and friends – that I don’t quite feel lonely when I’m sad. I have always been strong enough to sort out my troubles and being single allows me to take a step back, breathe and start over again. My head’s always clear because I’m alone – no conflicting demons in terms of opinions from anyone. It’s me, my decision, my problems, my solutions.

So when do I feel really, truly lonely? Well, I feel lonely when I’m *happy*. The other day I was so happy I wanted to jump up high – which I did – but like Jon Krakauer has written in his book Into the Wild –

 ‘HAPPINESS [is] ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED’

There’s no one to pat my back when I achieve little feats – like the time I learnt how to mow the lawn [all by myself] and I could smell the freshly mown earth. I was drenched in sweat but it was a pleasant experience and right then the unbearable loneliness of being hit me. There was no one to see what I had done, no one to share that joy – joy of doing something so new and quite well.

I’ve learnt to smile at myself, pat my own back… but then again I can’t stop feeling lonely when I’m [supposed to be] happy. Being single, feeling lonely is the price I have to pay for happiness.

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