Tag Archives: humor

On Moron

20 Dec
  • I’ve recently had the misfortune of meeting a MORON… He is the epitome of MORON and so the only justice I can do him is by calling him a MORON in all caps. 
  • Having to share a room at work with this MORON, I must say is one malicious act of Fortune.

I read it somewhere…

  • This MORON is alive only because we are not Fortunate enough to strangle to death anyone for the criminal act of MORONism.
  • I have this misfortune of sharing my space [at work] with this MORON for this week and the whole week next week….

  • My only compensation, this MORON will be gone by the end of this year. And fortunately I will be bidding all things MORON by the end of this year.  Yippieeeeeeeeeee!

via Daily Prompt: Fortune

Disintegrating the Panoply

3 Dec

Panoply = Pa No Ply… this one’s like a request to Pa not to Ply…

Panoply = Pan o’ ply… this one’s like pan of fly (with a slip of the tongue lips)

Panoply = Pa Nop Ly… this is like threatening Pa not to lie anymore but like in “texting” language

Panoply = Pano Ply… this is like someone yelling “Piano Play” in an accent unheard of.

Panoply = Pan up Lee… this is like monopoly with a pan… errrrr… well this one could be the real panoply… like the real real panoply…

panoply
ˈpanəpli/
noun
noun: panoply; plural noun: panoplies
  1. an extensive or impressive collection.
    “a deliciously inventive panoply of insults”
    synonyms: array, range, collection

    “the full panoply of America’s military might”

Disclaimer: I post posts like the one above when I’m at my wit’s end.  It is also important to note here that I’m usually at my wit’s end… it’s like my wit’s always at end and so it often is a wonder why I’m blogging… errr or rather pretending to blog… But then again, this is just a disclaimer.  Peace Out!

via Daily Prompt: Panoply

Daily Prompt: Culture

29 Nov

If Turkish [a character from the film Snatch] were to answer to today’s daily prompt… this is how he might do –>

What do I know about Culture?  I was a happy boxing promoter…

However, I’m not Turkish [neither from the film nor of that descent].  So for me culture could mean many many things…. I’ll try to point out 5 of those, just to fit in MY 5 category.

  1. Agriculture The culture that gives us our “daily bread”
  2. Horticulture This culture gives us flowers, I believe
  3. Yogurt cultures These are the bacteria that are apparently used in making yogurt
  4. Blood culture This one is “…a test that looks for germs such as bacteria or fungi in the blood…” [source]
  5. Culture Shock: [Dictionary meaning]

    noun the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone when they are suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes.


via Daily Prompt: Culture

Vim n Vigor

28 Nov

The moment I saw today’s prompt, I thought of one comic-strip sort of on-paper-meme-thing from the past, when jokes weren’t related by memes.

Well this strip-meme [from the past] looked like this.  I’ll try to write the picture and although my word limit could be a thousand words, I’ll try to do it in half the words or maybe even lesser.

There are two parallel strips.

 The first one says “ABOVE 30”.  In this picture-strip, there’s a man full of vim and vigor on a Monday.  Tuesday, he’s slouches a bit.  Wednesday, he’s slouched further.  Thursday, he’s barely sitting straight.  By Friday, he’s sprawled on the floor, eyes drooping.  Saturday, he relaxes.  Sunday, he relaxes a little more.  Monday, he’s back with his usual vigor.

Image result for exhausted friday meme

           VS.     Image result for Monday to friday above 30 meme

The second one says “BELOW 30”.  In this picture-strip, there’s a young man slouching and looking dazed [with spiral eyes] on a Monday [sort of hungover].  Tuesday, he still has his slouch.  Wednesday, he’s slightly erect.  Thursday, he’s sitting straight.  Friday, he’s seen in his full vigor. Saturday, he drinks and drinks and drinks. Sunday, he drinks and drinks and drinks.  Monday, he’s back with his slouch.

So which category do you belong to [not age-wise] – Exhausted Monday or Exhausted Friday?  I surely belong to Exhausted-MondayToFriday  :wink wink:


Image Source: First Image “Otterly Exhausted”  Second Image “TGIF”

via Daily Prompt: Vigor

my Chaotic life

24 Nov
When I wasn’t working, my life was chaotic, a bit literally and a bit not so literally.

Chaotic House: I was lazy to such an extent that my place always had that recently-bombed look.  Things were everywhere… every night my bed had to be found [discovered] under the rubble of everything that had happened that day… [early morning afternoon] I had to tiptoe my way out… it was like walking through a filed of mines for fear of smashing those “everything” that would be lying on the floor…

Chaotic Eating:  There was hardly any time for breakfast… by the time I got up and got out of the minefield, it would be almost past noon… So if I was hungry, I’d still wait for the time to be late afternoon or at least 2 pm to have my first meal… by now I’d be so starved I could eat a whale… and so I’d feast like a king… then I’d be so stuffed that there was no way I could eat another morsel for the rest of the day…

Now I’ve started working, and I’ll be working for a few months straight… so my life is just plain chaotic.

Chaotic House:  Earlier it was the laziness that kept me from keeping a straight house… now I do not have time to clean up… my house is still a minefield…

Chaotic Eating:  I hardly have time to fix myself some breakfast in the morning… at lunch break there is just too many things to do [there’s always something that urgently needs to get done just around lunch time]… so tea tea tea tea tea tea… I grab cookies here, crumbs there, fries here, apple there… tea tea tea tea tea…

Chaotic Weekends: I didn’t know weekends could be so taxing and so less relaxing…  I had so many things to do this last weekend… getting up late didn’t help either… there was laundry to be done…  Having to go to work means having to wear clean clothes… it isn’t like hanging out in pj’s all day… while Saturday thus slipped by, Sunday was over in the blink of an eye…

via Daily Prompt: Chaotic

Antsy in Anticipation

23 Nov

I have always felt that “antsy” and “anticipation” go hand in hand.  And before too long, slowly yet surely, anticipation becomes synonymous to ANXIETY.

In which case, I wonder… Why do we even anticipate?

But I do know, it’s easier said than done.  We do not get antsy or anxious because we want to anticipate… Anticipation just happens!

  • Buying gifts for friends and family [Will they like it?  Will they love it?]
  • Dressing up [Is this good enough?  Would I look better in the other dress?]
  • Going to sleep [Will I miss the alarm?  Will I turn off the alarm and forget to get up?]
  • Having a conversation [Will I forget what I’m about to say?]
  • Opening a present [Will I like what’s inside the box?  Will my disappointment unintentionally be reflected on my face?]

 

Knowing whatever will be will be we still anticipate what will be…!


via Daily Prompt: Anticipation

Eliciting

22 Nov

Yes, I could be the most gullible person you’d ever meet.  Ever the visual person, whenever I hear a story, my mind begins to elicit illicit explicit images, pictures… turning every word into some sort of vision… I zone out often in awe, often in disgust, often in worry, often in anxiety… basically I zone out!!!

Case in Point:

My colleagues, [we’ll call them] Iggy and Andy, were having a conversation at the parking lot.  I happened to be there too.

Iggy:  I’m sorry I don’t have your file.

Andy:  I’m sure I had left it on your table.

Iggy:  But you were there earlier… and you saw it wasn’t there.

Andy: Yeah, it wasn’t there… but errr how did you know I was there earlier?

Iggy:  I saw your footprint…

My mind leaves the scene and begins to elicit this –>

My eyes check Andy’s shoes.  My eyes see Iggy in some sort of a newfound awe… how observant she is… there I was thinking she was just another girl but… no… for her to be so observant… she was no longer ordinary for me… because for her to have taken notice of Andy’s shoes (which I’d have NEVER EVER done)… observer extraordinaire!!!  For her to be so observant to not only notice his shoes but to figure out the footprint as well… that could be what can be rightly called amazeballs (!?!)  I resolved to notice people’s shoes and what footprints the shoes might make…

Andy:  [Looking at me]  She will believe everything we say

Iggy:  [Staring at me] Hey… what kind of creep do you take me for….

We all laughed happily thereafter… THE END.


But, dang me!  How could concrete floors have footprints!!  When will life stop becoming a scene out of a chapter from a whodunit!!!

Gullible gullible dang me…!

via Daily Prompt: Elicit

Filthy Confession

16 Nov

There are some things I do of which I can never actually be proud of.  Like some fetish,  I do  have some filthy confessions to make (in utmost honesty).

PROCEED WITH CAUTION… Filth ahead!!!

  • Growing up with a big brother, I grew up wanting to be a “boy“.  No, it wasn’t about being able to pee standing… it was just about being a boy…  I played out this childhood fantasy by sneaking into my brother’s room and sneaking out with his OVERSIZE sneakers on – a truly “in his shoes” kinda phase.  What happened next very easily and quickly put an end to this fantasising.  My feet began to smell, to filthy stink, and it wasn’t until a year or so when it finally stopped.  Lesson learned the filthy way.

  • Long before I began sneaking into my brother’s room for his shoes, I used to sneak in to steal from his piggy bank.  Although stealing his shoes had a great lesson to learn from, nothing fearful came out of stealing from his piggy bank except the guilt.

  • When I used to smoke, one of the most filthy things I ever did was to pick up stubs from the street for a few drags.  In my defence, I did those only when I was too broke to buy a cigarette.  Looking back, I cannot believe I actually had done such a filthy thing.
  • I am lazy but that’s no confession.  I hate doing the cleaning and the laundry.  I have a laundry basket – a HUGE one.  The clothes piled in this basket get used and reused a long time before they actually hit the machine.  Well, let me elaborate.  The first pile in this basket is a normal – “to wash” pile.  Once all my clothes (wearable) pile up in this pile, I sort out the not-very-dirty ones and wear them a few times.  The second pile is the – “can’t wear them without a wash” pile.  Very soon, I run out of clothes to wear again and the pile doesn’t get washed itself.  From the second pile, I choose the “can manage one last time without a wash” clothes and wear them.  The third pile is the “even the most expensive perfumes won’t help” pile.  And yes, reluctantly then I do wash these! 

  • Once upon a time, I used to bite my nails but that’s not the confession.  My filthy confession is that I used to salivate at the sight of other people’s tempting nails – oh, the sheer temptation that I had to fight!    

Gross, I know!  Filthy enough!!

via Daily Prompt: Filthy

Those Darn Tarts

15 Nov

them tart… How do YOU like?

Them apple tarts… I dig them apple tarts.  But I’ve given up on THEM desserts :sniffles:

No no…. the other one.  them Tart… How do you like?

Image result for men stripper
Image Source

Oh… T . A . R . T . … Errrr  I prefer AHEM men, thank you.

 

Aaaargh….  How do you like them??  TART???  Or dya want some icing sugar with them apples??

You’ve lost me!

 

Moral:  ask Questions like Yoda… Please don’t.

via Daily Prompt: Tart

Five Giant

30 Oct

Many things came to mind as I stared at today’s prompt “Giant“.  It was a highly difficult decision to stick to only one and go on yakking about just that particular one.  Therefore, presenting an assortment of Giants I have come across:

    • a Giant rock [circa 2011].  I remember how I climbed this ginormous rock to very near the top.  Before I reached the top, there was a sort of a ledge so I didn’t bother to go higher.  I remember the breathtaking view from that spot.  I remember how I had forgotten to carry a camera and also my mobile during this expedition.  And I remember most vividly not having thought this climbing expedition through.  Climbing was “relatively” easier you see, because I was looking up throughout the climb.  It was only after witnessing the most amazing sunset from very near the top of a rock that is yet to be discovered, did I realise the way down was humanly impossible.  I also realised that if I were to die there, my body would NEVER be found.  I did come down the rock.  How I made it back though, I seriously DO NOT remember.
    • Giant Classmate.  He was almost 6ft tall at 13.  We all called him “giant” but never to his face.  But he knew that we called him what!  It all changed as most classmates started to grow as tall as him and some even taller, while I remained the Midget, which gives me a certain privilege and so this Giant Classmate is someone I still (and will always) refer to as my “Giant Classmate”.
    • Giant Whales. I once went whale watching and man were they giant!!!
    • Giant wheels.  I used to love the rides on giant wheels as a child.  Growing up, I began fearing not just the rides but the sights of them as well.  It all started when I overheard one of my grown-up cousins telling another not-so-grown-up cousin how she feared going on such rides.
    • The last standing Giant from GOT.  Although, he’s fallen now… Would be there any giants left in the seventh season?
  1. via Daily Prompt: Giant
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