Tag Archives: growing up

I’ve come a LONG way

31 Jul

Daily Prompt: Pat on the Back

by michelle w. on July 31, 2013

Tell someone you’re proud of just how proud you are.

I do have come a long way. Yes, indeed I have.

I was barely a teen when I learnt that it was okay to be embarrassed of your own parents –> you’ll find a little insight here. Ever since my dad forgave me for hesitating to be seen with him, the lesson sort of backfired.

It was then that I learnt that I could hide who I was and no one would be able to tell the difference. The confusion of who I actually was and who I was pretending to be paid its toll especially on my self-esteem. And then, people happened. And then, peer pressure happened.

I wanted to become a boy [my teen self assumed that if I were a boy, it would solve all the problems in my life]. I started sneaking into my brother’s shoes [3-4 size bigger than mine], stuffing them with socks to fit my tiny [size 3, even now] feet. I cropped my hair short, wore hoodies and spoke like someone not me.

From an A grade student I came down to C’s and D’s. My teachers were stunned to see me backing out from writing competitions and elocution.  I alienated myself from my schoolmates, family and basically everyone around me. On top of that, I was constantly at a battle with my anger issues. I was becoming a prisoner of my own vice. The days of experimenting with strange drugs were on the rise. I was doomed, well almost.

But times were a changing…. In high school, I met this amazing friend who accepted me with all these vices. I’m still and will always be grateful for her for what she did to me then. She saw the sensitive side of me beyond the anger. It was strange and I never admitted then, but her acceptance was the beginning of my real self’s comeback. I wrote for the school magazine and was the ghost-writer for two of my friends.

Then I hit the couch where my therapist told me that my anger was actually a shield to protect my hyper-sensitive self. It was too shocking not to be true. Although, I managed to laugh at him and never saw him again, it was still too shocking to be true. But true, it so was. That’s when I began looking myself in the mirror and I actually saw me. The meek me was pathetic but it was good to see ME after so long.

Slowly but surely, I let my guards down.

And today, when people make fun of me my sensitive self starts sulking… But I don’t change for their sake. Instead I let myself heal. I know that there’ll always be people who’ll find me funny. So be it!

And today, when people say I’m acting silly, I nod my head in agreement. I let them know this is who I am, in silliness and in sanity. I know that if I’m not acting silly maybe I’m not acting me and I’d rather always be me.

And today, when people accuse me of being too selfish and self-centred, I shrug my shoulders because I know I of all the people MUST love myself. 

And today, when people complain about how I’ve changed into an insensitive being, I smile. Only I and my new-found self know that the ride has been and is still going to be worth it.

And today, I can take everything coming from people. Even acceptance.

And today, I feel free.

And today, I know myself better.

And today, I am comfortable with myself.

And today, I accept me with the flaws and the scars.

And today, I do pat myself on the back.

And today, I tell YOU I’m proud of just how proud I am.

[p.s. This is the best coincidence actually. I was thinking of writing this post when I saw today’s daily prompt… some days you are just meant to write what you were meant to write… after all]

Advertisements

i :heart: Friends

31 Jul

Continue reading

When in misery… NAG

30 Jul

One of my biggest fears when it comes to living the life I’ve decided to live is – What happens….. later?

As of now, I’m carefree (sort of). Even with my supersonic-ally depleting finance, I’m still managing to stay afloat, still trying to write or rather type, sometimes even post a blog here. I have no one but myself to blame for my meagre income and errr I’m not complaining. How I wish my fear were limited to finance! It’s not. Because I’m hoping that before I retire, I’ll find something to retire on, I mean money-wise. If not there’s always a chance I’ll get involved in big bank heists.

The BIG Fear

What bothers me more than my finance is – Once upon a time an obnoxious colleague from my ex-workplace had predicted that I’ll turn into a never-married-nagging old hag. His words have been nagging me ever since.

Imagemy uncluttered desk :O

The story of my DESK:

  • A neat desk was next to impossible when I was in my teens. I never had a desk earlier (I mean it was there somewhere obscured by the books, papers, clothes and what not). I know my mom’s going to flip if she ever finds/ sees my desk this way. Have I grown up?? If that’s the case, I don’t mind.
  • Now, if my desk isn’t that way, I freak out, I yell, I scream (in my heart and mind) at the one who’s tried to disturb the sanctum of my uncluttered desk. As soon as the culprit is out of sight, I quickly bring back the sanctity. There was a time my desk was so cluttered, it was invisible. Now I have a desk which, when I look back, comes as a BIG surprise to my older-self. I must have grown up, I still don’t mind.
  • What I’ll soon really/ actually mind is – as of now I’m screaming/ yelling in silence. However, somewhere in the future is a possibility that the yelling/ screaming, like my desk, may surface to audibility and thus visibility. Those screamings and yellings will obviously spell “naggings”.

I seriously do not want to give my colleague the pleasure of being correct. We are no longer in touch but that’s not the point. If I turn into a nagger, I’ll definitely be proving him right. Every passing day when I complain about little things which aren’t done the way I want them to be done, I ask myself – Am I “really” turning into a nagger?

But what’s it got to do with me being single? At the end of the day, we all become naggers when we grow old, don’t we? It’s actually not nagging but it’s the knowing. “Ignorance is bliss” and so there’s no need to nag; obviously now, is there? One doesn’t need to be a rocket-scientist to understand that if “ignorance” is equal to “bliss” than “knowledge” the opposite of “ignorance” is equal to “misery” the opposite of “bliss”. When in misery, everything’s miserable and thus the “nagging” comes about.

Hence, I’d like to stress on the fact that “nagging” has more to do with knowledge than growing old s1ngle. Tidying my desk isn’t the only thing that’s changed in me with time.

  • I used to be the shortest-tempered person ever known (to people who knew me) and these days people (the others who’ve come to know me of late) ask me if I ever get angry.
  • I no longer argue and I don’t get infuriated when someone doesn’t listen to my side of the story. I’ve learned they have their own version and instead I listen to them to learn about the other side of the coin (whether I like it or not stays with me).
  • Look at me, I’ve started blogging (opening myself up to the whole world out there). There was a time I used to keep my journals and poems locked up, scared what “they” might think of it.
  • Beauty was vanity before but now I’ve learned it’s more of a therapy and that anyone can look beautiful. Also I’ve become fully aware of the explosive combination of beauty and brain which in turn becomes a HUGE confidence booster (especially as the proud bearer of such combination). I’m absolutely self-confident.
  • I had some kind of self-destructive tendencies but now I’ve learned to love myself. I’ve learned to accept compliments that come my way, without being too cynical about it. “Why is he/she giving me compliments? What does he/she want?
  • Grudges are a thing of past. I forgive others and when it comes to forgiving myself, it’s even faster.
  • I have a crush on Prince Harry and no longer do I imagine another damsel in distress waiting to be swept off her feet. I AM the one WAITING. Unlike the times I was growing up, now my stories about the good looking boys I meet have me starring opposite them 😉

ImagePrince “Charming” Harry

  • Further to my change above, I no longer think that I have to be holed up in a corner just because I’ve chosen to be single. In contrast, I go out and have fun and I definitely enjoy every bit.
  • I’m pretty sure I’ve become someone I’d have loved to hang around with as a kid.
  • I have quit smoking.

Of course there are more changes but at the moment those are inappropriate in terms of relevance. Hence nagging has nothing to do with me being s1ngle and everything to do with me becoming more knowledgeable. The fearful question, however, still remains – to nag or not to nag. Well, if nagging comes along with a price tag of all the lovely virtues above, then to hell with my ex-colleague’s accuracy of prophecy. Let him be the prophet while I’ll be a proud old-nagging hag.

For now, I’m confident especially from my rambling above that I’ll justify all or any vices as and when they emerge. If nagging is the result of gaining knowledge, what are the chances of me being caught with my guards down? Zilch, I suppose.

Sine qua non – As far as “later” is concerned, I’d rather hum to Doris Day’s number “…whatever will be, will be… the future’s not ours to see… que sera sera”

A.M.Bradley

The Determined Writer

Your Nibbled News - 2017 YNN

An affable, friendly website with its readers' interests always in mind.

Duke University Press News

What's New at Duke University Press

Postcard from a Pigeon

Musings by Dermott Hayes, a writer

Seal Matches

Stories & News

My message to me

- and anyone else who may be listening

Timeandreflections

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect"

Unlearning

Confessions of a Scholar Mom

Covert Novelist

Light Hearted Mysteries

Madeline Scribes

Writing about the human condition and learning to laugh about it

Musings of a Random Mind

Fiction based on reality. Any similarities to the characters and events in the life of the author are purely intentional.

Designer Sophisticate

Ramblings — Musings — Cynical conversation

Sunken Thought

Just lost brainwaves

dueyvan

I am me. Not who I was. Not what has happened.

The Hope Filled Addict

I'm Restless No More

Creating Kings

A young person's attempt to help others in attaining personal Sovereignty in a Tyrannical World.....

DCMontreal: Blowing the Whistle on Society

Eclectic social commentary with a chuckle and maybe a sting in the tail

Chronicles of an Orange-Haired Woman!

Descriptive writing on love, life, landscape, laughter and lodges!

juantetcts

The Courage To Shift is my Life Coach business that focuses on moving the client from victim, to VICTOR, regardless of their personal goals! Is there anything in life that you would like more of?