Yep, call me SELFISH

6 Dec

Often we are victims of injustice because (let’s face it) Life doesn’t play Fair.  Thus, often the question is how we fare after we’ve been served the “injustice”.

Growing up and so growing older than I ever was, I have understood that embracing such injustice with grace is more graceful than whining and sulking in a corner.  Playing the victim, playing the martyr was like playing dead – it had no life.  So, why live lifeless by being the martyr.

I learned this valuable lesson two years ago when I was going through some hard times in life.  I was friendless… utterly hopeless… and lifeless.  Let me try explaining the whys and the hows.

I bumped into this old friend two years ago.  This old friend and I had been through some rough times together, in the past.  We weren’t the “BFFs” but we were the sort of “friends in need” at that time in the past.  And now, there she was… all smiles… she used her “reprimanding tone” asking me why I hadn’t stayed in touch… blah blah. As for me, I felt slightly awkward [for my own personal reasons] but then again we spoke very politely to each other, steering clear from speaking about our “rough times.”

Fast forward one month.  I bumped into the same old friend again.  This time she wasn’t alone.  She had two friends in tow, and they looked like they were having a great time.  Once again we exchanged pleasantries… this time I was slightly more friendlier than the earlier meet.  I was more relaxed.  But something about the friend told me she didn’t want me there.  For a person who only needs the subtlest hint of such kind, I excused myself.  As I was walking away, I heard her whisper-confessing to her friends “I can’t remember her name…”

That whisper disturbed me for weeks afterwards.  My mind was filled with questions.  Did she deliberately intend for me to hear those words?  How could she have forgotten my name after only a month of bumping into each other?  How could she, who had remembered my name after two years of not seeing each other, have forgotten my name?  Why would she pretend to have forgotten my name?

And I fell into that abyss… everyday I woke up with the same questions… the more I asked myself these questions, the more I curled up in bed… the more I curled up in bed, the more depressed I became… the more depressed I became, the less I went out… the less I went out, the more I felt sad… the sadder I felt, the more depressed I got… the more depressed I got, the more suicidal I felt… I became the victim and so I played the martyr.

Looking back, I can only think of a month that I’ll never ever get back. 

So, I have decided never to play the victim again, no matter how unfair my life turns out.  I have decided never to let my precious time be ruined by such worthless beings.  I have decided never to waste my seconds dwelling on such schmucky gunks ever, and if I ever do… it will only be to produce a post on my blog…. O yeah?!  Go… go ahead and call me SELFISH and see if it matters.  PFFT

via Daily Prompt: Martyr

2 Responses to “Yep, call me SELFISH”

  1. kyrdem December 6, 2016 at 9:03 pm #

    That’s not selfishness. It’s self preservation. So, yeah. With you on this. All the way.

    • s1ngal December 7, 2016 at 4:41 pm #

      Thank you for being with me on this 🙂

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