Daily Prompt: Subdued

15 Oct

I say I don’t like to talk much but if you see me anywhere, you’ll find me acting the very opposite.

When I am on my own, I am a ponderer.  I love to think, observe, absorb and just sit quietly and watch the world go by.  I am not the same in company.  I fret.  I strut.  I stumble.  I speak.  I stutter.  I utter.  I flutter.  Back in solitude, I regret all the frets, struts, stumbles, speeches, stutters, utters and the flutters.  Then I question myself who I am exactly.

Looking back and a little further, I remember I used to be an assertive kid.  I was good at studies, good grades, almost teachers’ pet.  The best part being I was myself. I enjoyed studying not for good grades or to become a teacher’s pet.  I studied because I liked studying [and I am not making this up].  I did what I liked to do, I was my own happy, assertive self.

These days I look at myself and I see someone who “seem” assertive but knows deep inside that the “assertiveness” is a sham.  I say things that I do not believe.  I say these things because I think I am supposed to say these things.  I say these things because I assume that it is what the listeners want to hear.  I say these things because I feel that I am expected to say these things.

And the worst part of it all –> when I tell people the truth.  “I am not assertive, guys” and I hear a wave of laughter…. he ha ha ha he ha he ha he ha ha ha

Confused… Subdued

via Daily Prompt: Subdued

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5 Responses to “Daily Prompt: Subdued”

  1. Cahla's Tawkin' October 17, 2016 at 3:01 pm #

    Absolutely LOVE this line!!! I fret. I strut. I stumble. I speak. I stutter. I utter. I flutter.

    • s1ngal October 17, 2016 at 3:02 pm #

      Thank you… but I do 🙂

  2. juantetcts October 26, 2016 at 11:49 pm #

    Great post! The great thing about blogging is that you can be yourself!

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