Archive | January, 2013

That’s When

30 Jan

In the Dumps

Fell out with life, so

Joy’s broken up with me

Bad time’s now my only good friend.

 

i LOVE what i LOVE

29 Jan

I am who I am and i LOVE what i LOVE.

I’ve always been vocal about what I love – I’m saying “what” not “who” so do not get any ideas :thinks she’s made a brilliant remark here: [PATHETIC, I know]. So yeah, back to me being vocal about what I love – things I love.

There was a time I could never get enough of those potato wedges – I used to gulp and swallow and munch [not in that particular order or any other order for that matter] these things and still come back for more. Now, the reason I said “I am very vocal” is because when I fall in love with certain things – I just keep chanting them like some kind of mantra. I keep saying how much I [used to] love these wedges. My neighbours get sick and tired of hearing me rant about these things that I’ve come to love so much [as they hear it way too many times to not get “sick and tired” of].

tastes best with sour cream & sweet chilli sauce: IMAGE SOURCE

tastes best with sour cream & sweet chili sauce: IMAGE SOURCE

But guess what, eventually the same “sick and tired” listeners get tempted and they give in to them wedges. The worst part then is that they too fall in love with these things and I can’t believe it’s the same listeners who once got “sick and tired”. The worse than the worst part again is now I hear me [my words] coming out of their stuffed [with wedges dipped in sour cream and sweet chilli] mouth. Talk about plagiarism :sigh:

I love things – yes, I love them to bits and I keep saying it over and over. That’s the way I am. When I love things, I love them unconditionally… there’s just nothing that could ever change my unconditional love…

…And then inevitable as it is, I move on… while my listeners are still hooked to it. Now, here comes the best part. Once I move on, I normally don’t go back to where I was and just the way I am vocal about things I love – well, I’m equally if not more vocal about the things that disgust me. My words coming out of another being [that too after I’ve moved on] disgust me. So, I’m not only vocal with words but with my facial expressions, too.

The better than the best part is – the confusion in their faces.

 

Hope sweet Hope

28 Jan

It’s embarrassing to know that your friends *with money* are embarrassed to be seen with you *without money*. But hello… I have ambitions and I have plans.

Some day I will get my unwritten book published, which is going to make me oh-so famous… and popular. That day, YOU all i.e. friends *with money* – yes YOU all, the ones who are snubbing me now… yes YOU all will not have the pleasure of having been acquainted to this bestselling author.

YOU know why… well I’ve got a plan. It’s because I wouldn’t have used my name – no, I’m not leaving it anonymous. I’m going to get a good friend’s name on it – as the writer’s. She / he will have never known YOU all.

Yes. And so, before I write that amazingly great book I must find that good friend.

And so, I shalt wait. Hope is where my heart is… Hope sweet hope!

Loveless: Weekly Photo Challenge

27 Jan

Loveless in WordPress

The theme’s got me thinking…

Who do I love? No meaningful nods there… no looking away with his images… no friends who I can say I actually love… no family members I can even pretend to love.

I still want to give it a go… Maybe I’ll try pointing out some things I love (to do)

  • movies [can’t buy, borrow or steal them anymore 😦 ]
  • books [reading A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby – very time appropriate, I think]
  • travelling [another can’t-afford luxury]
  • blogging/ writing [if the writer’s block cares to leave me be]

And it’s just struck me… what I love doing the MOST ….

dAydreAming - i LOVE

dAydreAming – i LOVE

 

Bad Days: Revisited

22 Jan

When things went bad, it really did. I’m just revisiting the time between mid December 2012 to mid January 2013 – I am doing this because:

  1. firstly, I need to know if I was really down in the dumps or was my mind playing dirty filthy tricks
  2. secondly, I need a closure if I need to start afresh.
  3. lastly, I do not want to go down the lane ever again.

So what happened?

A friend called to inform me she’d be coming over for a week. I was glad to have a friend around – after all it was the festive season and so on and so forth. Next thing I know, she here with her fiance. Next to the next thing I know, her fiance is here with his mother. They all wanted a “change of scene”.

Now, although I do live by a lake – it, in no way, means I am filthy rich. Luckily, I had the house for myself – my roommate having gone away to enjoy her holidays. I gave up my room for the mother out of respect, of course. Then, we pitched 2 tents – one for the couple in love and one for me.

  • I was homeless. I didn’t have the warmth of my bed and I lost the undisputed remote control over my TV.

They arrived on 26th and I was having a good time, sans my room, sans my TV, sans my bed – but a good time, I was having. I didn’t want the festive season to be anything other than a good time.

To make up for the missed Christmas gala, we decided to make a campfire and have a good dinner. It was then that my friend told me 27th being her fiance’s birthday, that we stay up till midnight. Once the clock struck 12, we sang the “birthday” jingle and we decided to call it a night around 1 am. By then, the fiance was drunk, totally pissed. When we finally parted ways, I heard him call out my name. Once in my tent, just when I was tucking myself in my phone rang. It was the fiance. He had called to see if I was okay.

  • From the very next day, the couple started fighting/ arguing about things. There was a strange tension between them.

That night, my friend slept in my tent. Their rows were ear-sore. The next night, she came to my tent again and then I sent her back because I needed some space desperately.

  • I wished they’d leave. I didn’t want them to stay through to January. I didn’t want them around.

That night, there was no yelling around and so both of them came to my tent. I got into talking – about how it’s sometimes awfully awful to be living the way I am. The fiance was listening – very sympathetic and very responsive – he was saying all the things I wanted to hear. Encouraged, I kept at it. Then, out of the blue, my friend intervened.

  • She pointed out to me, my flaws – I didn’t know I had so many of them. Everything that went wrong was my doing

I put up a brave face and nodded my way into the end of her advice. We called it a night just after midnight. Once, they were gone I cried. I wish I could write why I cried but I am not that brave.

Next morning, she asked us [the fiance and I] to go shopping as she just wanted to sit back and relax. I badly wanted time alone [especially after what had happened last night] so I walked out while the fiance was having breakfast. She came running to me asking to wait up for him. I said I’d rather go alone.

  • “Is there something going on between you two?” she shouted. 

WTF. WTF. I walked out, I didn’t want to be around them – not for another second.

Once I came back, I went straight to my tent. That night the fiance made some soup and my friend called me to join them for dinner. Ha!!

I didn’t speak to them until they left on the 2nd.

Post their departure:

I couldn’t figure out where, when how and why things could have gone this way. The damage had been done and I didn’t know my way back. Time being the biggest healer, the normalcy slowly crept back in – slowly but surely – although I was still hurting.

Then one friend presented me a bamboo ashtray that he had made himself. Sweet!! I know and I also knew the positive was flowing in.

The day I came back to blog and while I typed the first letters, my fingers froze. Then the messages from the Lunatic, NICOLITE, Koji San – I finally saw the light at the end of that dark, filthy tunnel.

The next day i.e. Jan 14, I dismantled my tent and moved back into my room.

  1. I need to know if I was really down in the dumps or was my mind playing dirty filthy tricks – I was down in the dumps and it wasn’t my mind playing dirty filthy tricks. 
  2. secondly, I need a closure if I need to start afresh. Check. Closure needed, closure delivered.
  3. lastly, I do not want to go down the lane ever again. Never say never. I may go down that lane again but I’ll react better, I swear.

Friends, frenemies, enemies – Come who may, I will see the silver lining until my dying day….

Yesterday… once more

21 Jan

Oh well, yesterday I saw this amazingly good looking guy… well, I have something for guys with facial hair, I swear. The moment I saw him, I was… errr well…  my whole world stopped… just like in movies/ books, I guess… I just couldn’t stop grinning [ear to ear]. Beard at first sight and I was in love at second. The more I looked at him the better he seemed to look… there was a small spot on his left cheek right above his beard… and he had such lovely pout… and I just couldn’t get my eyes off him…….. U…N…T…I…L

beard

this is how HE looked – image source

[The grinning stopped, so abruptly]… when next to HIM I saw a shadow… and realised it wasn’t a shadow. Then I saw his hands locked in hers. I connected the hand to HER face… It was HER turn to grin, a smug “I have HIM” grin… I grinned back, no longer that smitten grin, though… mine now was a smugger “WUH-EVA I’m better looking than you” grin. We all parted ways happier than when we bumped into each other [or so I’d like to believe].

Beyond Weekly Photo Challenge

20 Jan

My photos for the week’s photo challenge – BEYOND!!! To find out more click here OR simply *Like* my entry 😉

beyond

 

beyonnd

 

A.M.Bradley

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