Trying my Best

18 Oct

I’m pretty sure, my epitaph [if I get a proper burial and all that jazz] would read:


without a doubt, I’d have wanted it to read: She gave her best.

NINE years of hard-core smoking while earning the acclaimed title of a chimney  and then 2 *squeaky* clean years I am back to square one.  I remember those days when everyone around saw me exhaling batches of smoke [chimney, remember?] and then the days I struggled to become clean. I remember everything.

I also remember a time while in uni, a friend and I were almost always dead broke and what we did to quench our fume-thirst. We used to walked down  brightly lit streets with our heads stooped low, so low that we could spot a dead butt [a lit butt was always a bonus]. That was what we did every evening. We used to collect those butts [fine round butts 😉 only, mind you!!] with wee bit of cigarette and took it to our apartment and smoked till our lips burnt.

Oh, how we hated those smokers who’d stamp their cigarettes :sigh: The rule was no flattened [stomped] butts. We even followed few fellow smokers in the hope of preventing a stampede by walking close enough so that ey don’t get a chance at stomping on the well-rounded butt that we prized so much :another sigh: With the abandoned sometime still-lit cigarette, we rushed at it and smoked as if our lives depended on it… while thanking our evening fortune in between drags.

the graphics 😉

WE came up with a few tricks regarding this business. Below are my personal top 2:

The dollar trick: The trick is to go around with this dollar and ask smokers… “Can I buy a cigarette off you? I’ll give you a dollar.” while fishing for that dollar and flash it at a potential giver. This is the best trick because people just give away ONE cigarette for freeeee [not always though :(].

Show me the penny: Once we ran out of the two dollars [hers and mine combined], it was time for the magic-penny. When we spotted a well-rounded butt, we’d drop a penny and while picking up the penny… you know… picked the butt, too. Duh! We had to be very fast… you know… to save ourselves from embarrassment. Duh!

Although all this happened in the past decade [before 2010], these tricks are something I’m NOT and never will be proud of. My point is – after all this tragic butt-hunting and embarrassing myself, I still haven’t given my best to quit this thing for good. I can’t believe I’m still trying my best to quit smoking. I am trying my best to fight this nicotine-filled little thing and I’m losing the battle every day.

I don’t give my best butt but I try to try my best. That, indeed, THAT is thus the biggest tragedy of my life being me. I live here and there, not completely here nor completely there. I don’t know what I want and I want what I don’t know.


13 Responses to “Trying my Best”

  1. adinparadise October 18, 2012 at 9:37 am #

    A very interesting post. i really feel for you in your wish to give up smoking. It’s not an easy thing, but my hubby gave up about 30 years ago, after doing a “Smokenders” course. My poor sister and her husband are still addicted and puffing their lives away. Never give up trying your best to give up. Good luck to you.

    • s1ngal October 18, 2012 at 9:43 am #

      thank you. the only thing i’m happy about -in terms of smoking- is that i can blog about it 😉

      I’ll try my best. thanks once again

      • adinparadise October 18, 2012 at 9:45 am #

        Yes, blogging is great, and you can maybe get some more encouragement to help you give up. 🙂

      • s1ngal October 18, 2012 at 11:39 am #


  2. NicoLite Великий October 18, 2012 at 10:05 am #

    Chocolate. And ice cream. Apply pie. Anything that is delicious and takes your mind off smoking. And for when you can’t stop thinking about it, blogging is good.

    • s1ngal October 18, 2012 at 11:39 am #

      i want to be smoke-free big time, not a BIG smoke-free ;). but hey thanks, i choose blogging.

  3. kalabalu October 19, 2012 at 11:27 am #

    sent back as received..not yet opened..

  4. anecdotaltales October 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm #

    I’m one of those guys that smokers hate. I don’t have any cigs, I don’t have a light, and I stomp on any I see on the sidewalk. Get me, I’m a jerk. (shrugs)

    • s1ngal October 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

      Hey not all smokers hate you ok. Most smokers are LIKE you only, I’m speaking from experience. LOL. :shrugs back:

      • anecdotaltales October 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm #

        Better to stomp on their smokes than their cigs, right? Also, story from Tuesday at 5 a.m. “Hey man, you got any smokes?” No. “How about some ganja?” No. “Weed?” Nope. I have a bottle of water, but that’s it. “Oh, okay.” (At least he wasn’t picky?)

      • s1ngal October 19, 2012 at 12:55 pm #

        What a feel-god story!!! I feel sooooooooo good.
        LOL, thanks for sharing 😀

  5. Scarlet Wilde October 29, 2012 at 1:03 pm #

    I smoke sometimes. I like it! As long as it’s once in a long while, I think that’s OK. Horrible student habit was to find the “dog ends” take the tobacco out and then roll in new papers. We thought we were cool. We weren’t!

    • s1ngal October 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm #

      dog ends, never even knew the term… but yea we did it too lol. i think i’ll switch to occasional smoking. hmmm thanks a lot.

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