un-Relapsing

24 Sep

Someone mailed it in a few days back to s1ngal about the smoking relapse episode. That someone was SO wrong. Well, it wasn’t a relapse. s1ngal was only trying to smoke a little without turning that episode into a saga of relapse. Does that make any sense? Maybe, not.

So here’s me writing about my life ~ yeah yeah a single life. I got into smoking a little bit since I first lit “that” first cigarette when I got stressed. In fact, it wasn’t stress that brought me down to light “that” first cigarette – it was *rage*, a boiling RAGE.

There’s this colleague – I don’t want to name names or anything like that – who loves [I believe] to get on my nerves. She does it routinely on Wednesdays and it was one of these Wednesdays when *fury* of the worst order took me over and I was blinded by it. Seriously, I couldn’t calm myself down – it was a murderous rage – R.A.G.E. Yes, that’s why I smoked on that Wednesday because I got into that anger-loop.

IMAGE SOURCE: s1ngal

Anger-loop defined: It’s like something makes you angry and then you turn away from it. Then you sit and think about it, which apparently makes you angrier. Then you stand and try to talk yourself out [of this anger situation] and you get the angriest. This is when you need to get out and chop some wood or mope. But because I was at work, I couldn’t chop wood [would’t have done this even if I was home] or mope. Yes, moping is my greatest stress-reliever.

Today, I am on Monday and haven’t smoked YET. Come Wednesday, if I’m saying the same thing i.e. in the line of “haven’t smoked”, I’d feel quite accomplished [after which I’m going to work on getting “Freshly Pressed”].

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6 Responses to “un-Relapsing”

  1. NicoLite Великий September 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

    Happens to the best. The anger thing. I’m good at keeping the lid on, but sometimes… well, sometimes…

    • s1ngal September 24, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

      …the lid comes off… I KNOW 😦

  2. katlaire September 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

    I hate the anger-loop! It’s just no matter what you say or think to yourself, it just seems to make you even more angry! Then you just want to punch someone in the face.

    • s1ngal September 24, 2012 at 10:41 pm #

      Yes, that punch is LOOOOOOOOOOOONG overdue when it comes to my “colleague” so I get into self-destructive [smoking] mode.

  3. Mustang.Koji September 24, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

    Funny how you described the “anger loop”. It appears a few of us have the same thing happen. I’m sorry if you have that “re-lapse” sensation upon you, too… But every time you move on without “it”, you’ve achieved another victory!

    • s1ngal September 24, 2012 at 10:43 pm #

      thank you. I’m working on moving on without “it” every minute/ every second!!!

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