Unfair in all Fairness

12 Sep

The world is an unfair place when you want it to play fair. I responded by lighting a cigarette. I know it’s lame but that’s what I did. Having had that smoking addiction for slightly less than a decade and being clean for 2 years, this is how and when I took the first step at defeat. Was it worth it?

I looked up at the grey skies above, prayed in silence as I smoked. I stubbed my third cigarette halfway because I couldn’t take it any longer. Smoking doesn’t help, never did. I knew [still do] it better. The sky’s still grey, my prayers are still falling into deaf ears. Maybe I need to scream it out loud.

I went out, cleared the weed gathered around my little space – in the hope of clearing what’s in my head, too, I guess. I stood under a cold shower to freeze the frustration. The spine-chilling water didn’t help, either. There I was trembling, gasping for warmth and “my place” is tad cleaner.

jinxed heaven?!?

I am where I wanted to be. I am where I once called it heaven. Then why is it that I feel like hell here in Heaven?

I’m not asking the world to be fair… All I’m asking is “Where did it all go wrong?”

8 Responses to “Unfair in all Fairness”

  1. the_lunatic September 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

    I ask the same thing, constantly.

    • s1ngal September 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm #

      Thank u for letting me know I’m not alone in this xoxoxo

      • the_lunatic September 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

        You’re not 🙂

  2. the audacious amateur blogger September 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm #

    I ask myself that almost every moment if every day. It’s a terrible way to live huh

    • s1ngal September 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

      I’m feeling better already 🙂

  3. NicoLite Великий September 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    So, here’s the third reassurance that you’re not alone in this – even though you do like to emphasize that you are single. You’re also not the only person bitching about it http://flusenkopp.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/swamped/ the best part of bitching is in the bit(e)

  4. anecdotaltales September 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm #

    Ah, but are you who you want to be? Who you’re supposed to be? That’s what gives me great comfort most days. I can’t control the world, but if I’m who I’m supposed to be then I have that to help me along.

    • s1ngal September 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

      Can’t answer that… Didn’t know until I was asked :$

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