saying YES to NO ~ a sequel

2 Sep

“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.”
– Billy Joel

I am not a negative person but many a times saying NO can be theee most positive thing. I have learned it from past experiences ~ a lesson learned the hard way. If you have had difficulties saying NO, you’re not alone. BUT for people used to saying “NO” easily, this post may not “go down” that easily.

As far as I am concerned, I still have difficulties saying “NO” partly because I’m worried how the recipient may feel. Rejection is a scary thing, not only to receive but to give as well.

trying to…

Let us first understand WHEN to say NO:

Obviously when you don’t want to say YES [sick!! I know]

Sometimes we say “Yes” despite wanting to say “NO” because we think we can protect the one we love by saying “Yes” we are protecting our loved one from feeling hurt or offended. It’s a good thing to say “Yes” to Mom’s cookies when you’re full and it’s perfectly all right to nibble on them until you can thank her for the spare tire around your belly area, in the years to come. This is more like “Honesty is NOT ALWAYS the best policy”.

BUT when the person who’s going to get hurt is YOU, that’s when it’s time to say “NO”.

Now HOW to say NO:

Once you learn when it’s time to say NO, you must know how to say it. I’ve always known when to say NO, it’s easy to identify when to say NO but it’s difficult to pin down on HOW to say it. Because let’s face it, you may earn a “selfish” label or a “self-centred” label once you start using NO. The best way is to make excuse. Let’s try it.

http://www.wikihow.com/Say-No-Respectfully

Pretty good advice, I am working on Points 2, 4, 5 and 7.

If you aren’t strong enough [read: if you are as weak as the blogger here], you can practice putting up a blank expression or a frown to say NO. Also, you can pretend not to hear and walk away before the speaker repeats himself/ herself. Just get up and get away from the environment that’s forcing you to say NO, it obviously isn’t a good environment to linger around.

WHAT to do after saying NO:

If your heart thumps like mine after I say NO, well.. personally I think it’s pathetic. But heart’s a heart’s a heart ~ one’s gotta be nice to one’s heart. So let it thump and come back to its normal beat. Once you say NO, don’t regret it. Your NO may not always be right but we all learn through trials and errors. I’ve lost few so-called pals over the years because they couldn’t see me beyond my NO. I wonder if it’s a big loss, though.

Also note that when you say no, it might attract some “labels”. Don’t worry about them. As long as you’re comfortable with your NO, there’s no need to worry about whatever names it may bring you. If people give you names for your NO, ask yourself “Is it worth having them around?” As simple as that.

…errr well… I guess that’s how you can find the “balance”…

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4 Responses to “saying YES to NO ~ a sequel”

  1. Lori September 2, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

    In my past life (job actually) I would always tell my clients, just “be like Nancy Reagan and ‘just say no'”. Now some of them were old enough to understand what I was talking about. Some had to have it explained to them and some just didn’t care, because no was not in their vocabulary. My kids knew what this meant because they had always heard it since they were little. But I also gave my clients (and children) the option to put the blame on me when they wanted to say no, but were too afraid to do so for whatever reason. It always amazed me when my clients did this and used me as a way out of a situation they knew they shouldn’t or didn’t want to be in. Saying no is extremely difficult at times, even for me, but if we know there are people out there who have our backs, its just a tad easier to say what we wanted or needed to in the first place.

    • s1ngal September 2, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

      Thank you and I DO agree every bit.

  2. katlaire September 2, 2012 at 7:16 pm #

    I’ve learned to say “No” a lot now actually. It gets easier as you get older I think.

    • s1ngal September 4, 2012 at 10:05 am #

      thank u for the reassurance. I just wish i can say NO without all that guilt cum regret and all that pathetic feelings after…

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