Life gets so monotonous at times that I dread calling it living. I dare not call myself dead either – because I am a breathing being until the day/ night when the elementary routine of breathing in and out ceases…
There are few things that push me to the edge, however, and remind me “Hey, I may be living…. after all” These are simple things, really simple ones. I’m not an adrenaline junkie so I don’t go to extremes and these simple everyday things do make me feel alive.
I wanted to post Celine Dion’s “Alive” video but I’m a technically-challenged cave-girl.
My 5 feel-alive:
1. Hunger: I don’t feel hungry often…
Like the many slips between the cup and the lips – many treats slip through my lips and obviously and obliviously, both, I’m snacking on some fries and deep-fries… Until one day when I begin noticing all my normal tops have morphed into figure-hugging ones. The binge-eating stops and I go back to 3.5 meals a day.
Then comes a time when I don’t have time to eat. So I skip breakfast and then run the errands to realise I’m broke and i can’t afford to get a quick bite. So I come back home famished and all burned out – open the fridge and gasp in shock at :NOTHING: The rumbling stomach bellows, roars and thunders – I’m exasperated, devastated. But I manage to crack a smile – because at that very point I do feel *alive*. I don’t know how or why…. but just then is when I “Feel Alive”.
2. Anger: The rage that boils inside threatening to erupt like a volcano – stays put. I get angry at times, so angry that the blood boils beyond the boiling point. I want to shoot-at-sight people who are responsible for it. I picture the most sadistic torture for these people and it enrages me more to know that all I can do is IMAGINE slapping them, twisting them until their bones snap. And then I laugh out loud – a split-second before the volcano erupts – for at this moment, too, I feel alive.
3. Slumber: Sleeping and sleep-induced dreaming make me feel alive too. Running all day from one end to the other to make both ends meet, at the end of the day I like to lie down on my IKEA couch bed – worn out, yet loved, despite the springs inside which poke me like crazy – and fall asleep, just like that. The dream that ensues brings about the feel-more-alive feel.
4. Heartbreak: When my heart gets broken – obviously because the expectations were never lived up to – I break down. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a Shakespearean kind of tragedy – or even a failed romance. My heart gets broken a lot because I wear my heart on my sleeves and I am a proud owner of rose coloured glasses. As I cry rivers and oceans for yet another broken heart, the little voice inside my head merges into a mirth – for even then I feel strangely alive.
5. A cold shower: I wear this as a medallion. No matter how chilly the weather , I can stand under the jet of a cold shower. In my friends’ circle, this is how I may have become a legend. When that first few icy cold drops hit my warm unprepared [no matter what] body –> I do let out a sigh, I hold my breath, the teeth start clattering, the hands tremble and I feel alive, completely.
All the pointers were rhyming except the *Heartbreak* [right in the middle of nowhere ~ without the “er”]. Hunger, Anger, Slumber and Shower [even]… Heartbreak may sound like no rhyme or reason, but it isn’t and also please note that I have successfully resisted the temptation to write *Heart breaker*.