When things went bad, it really did. I’m just revisiting the time between mid December 2012 to mid January 2013 – I am doing this because:
- firstly, I need to know if I was really down in the dumps or was my mind playing dirty filthy tricks
- secondly, I need a closure if I need to start afresh.
- lastly, I do not want to go down the lane ever again.
So what happened?
A friend called to inform me she’d be coming over for a week. I was glad to have a friend around – after all it was the festive season and so on and so forth. Next thing I know, she here with her fiance. Next to the next thing I know, her fiance is here with his mother. They all wanted a “change of scene”.
Now, although I do live by a lake – it, in no way, means I am filthy rich. Luckily, I had the house for myself – my roommate having gone away to enjoy her holidays. I gave up my room for the mother out of respect, of course. Then, we pitched 2 tents – one for the couple in love and one for me.
- I was homeless. I didn’t have the warmth of my bed and I lost the undisputed remote control over my TV.
They arrived on 26th and I was having a good time, sans my room, sans my TV, sans my bed – but a good time, I was having. I didn’t want the festive season to be anything other than a good time.
To make up for the missed Christmas gala, we decided to make a campfire and have a good dinner. It was then that my friend told me 27th being her fiance’s birthday, that we stay up till midnight. Once the clock struck 12, we sang the “birthday” jingle and we decided to call it a night around 1 am. By then, the fiance was drunk, totally pissed. When we finally parted ways, I heard him call out my name. Once in my tent, just when I was tucking myself in my phone rang. It was the fiance. He had called to see if I was okay.
- From the very next day, the couple started fighting/ arguing about things. There was a strange tension between them.
That night, my friend slept in my tent. Their rows were ear-sore. The next night, she came to my tent again and then I sent her back because I needed some space desperately.
- I wished they’d leave. I didn’t want them to stay through to January. I didn’t want them around.
That night, there was no yelling around and so both of them came to my tent. I got into talking – about how it’s sometimes awfully awful to be living the way I am. The fiance was listening – very sympathetic and very responsive – he was saying all the things I wanted to hear. Encouraged, I kept at it. Then, out of the blue, my friend intervened.
- She pointed out to me, my flaws – I didn’t know I had so many of them. Everything that went wrong was my doing.
I put up a brave face and nodded my way into the end of her advice. We called it a night just after midnight. Once, they were gone I cried. I wish I could write why I cried but I am not that brave.
Next morning, she asked us [the fiance and I] to go shopping as she just wanted to sit back and relax. I badly wanted time alone [especially after what had happened last night] so I walked out while the fiance was having breakfast. She came running to me asking to wait up for him. I said I’d rather go alone.
- “Is there something going on between you two?” she shouted.
WTF. WTF. I walked out, I didn’t want to be around them – not for another second.
Once I came back, I went straight to my tent. That night the fiance made some soup and my friend called me to join them for dinner. Ha!!
I didn’t speak to them until they left on the 2nd.
Post their departure:
I couldn’t figure out where, when how and why things could have gone this way. The damage had been done and I didn’t know my way back. Time being the biggest healer, the normalcy slowly crept back in – slowly but surely – although I was still hurting.
Then one friend presented me a bamboo ashtray that he had made himself. Sweet!! I know and I also knew the positive was flowing in.
The day I came back to blog and while I typed the first letters, my fingers froze. Then the messages from the Lunatic, NICOLITE, Koji San – I finally saw the light at the end of that dark, filthy tunnel.
The next day i.e. Jan 14, I dismantled my tent and moved back into my room.
- I need to know if I was really down in the dumps or was my mind playing dirty filthy tricks - I was down in the dumps and it wasn’t my mind playing dirty filthy tricks.
- secondly, I need a closure if I need to start afresh. Check. Closure needed, closure delivered.
- lastly, I do not want to go down the lane ever again. Never say never. I may go down that lane again but I’ll react better, I swear.
Friends, frenemies, enemies – Come who may, I will see the silver lining until my dying day….