Not exactly to contradict http://hilariouslyeverafter.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/you-marriage-no-friends, but here’s how I (as in permanently single with the occasional random fling) see it.
It’s actually a matter of growing up and growing apart. I am pretty sure marital status has nothing to do with keeping in touch. However, we do have to re-prioritise our lives once the status changes. I do have single (not necessarily permanently) as well as married (not necessarily “smug”) friends. Yes, there are some married friends who I deliberately avoid because… guess what?? they are avoiding me, duh!
- The smug-married friends: I’m single and downright pretty (looking better-er with age). I am proud to say that I’m a live and real case of an ugly-duckling or maybe it’s the “photoshop”, who cares. For the ones who’ve stopped inviting me, I’m visible to them through facebook (where I upload ONLY my absolute best pics).
- The un-smug married friends: Now I met a long-lost married-friend online. She is not a married-smug but all she talked about was her kid. I mean she’d just been a mom and all that jazz but it was like talking to a different person. I wanted to ask about her life after marriage (cos that’s when we’d lost touch) but all I got was the bubba’s chubby face all over my computer screen – AND I LOVED IT. But you know, where’s my friend? What happened to her? We have lost touch again but not until my attempt at staying in touch through few dozen emails didn’t produce any result. Trust me, I had worked really hard to find her (because when we’d parted she lived in the 20th century and didn’t have a mailing id).
- The un-smug married friends with children: I’m forever invited to hang around with them, no matter how HOT and drop-dead-gorgeous I look because I’m the best and free-willing baby-sitter they can ever find. Here we do talk. I say “My my my, she’s walking….” They respond with no-need-to-hide smug smiles.
- S1ngle (not necessarily permanently) friends: I’m always there for them when they need me. As for me, I have never needed them in need.
So my theory is-
- (Once again) Marital status has nothing to do with being friends or choosing to being friends.
- People change – whether they remain single or get married. After all, isn’t change the only constant/permanent thing in the world?
- The grass may be smug-er on the other side. Or maybe not.
- Having been single, sometimes we do leave the married friends alone because we are being considerate. We may have been under the illusion that their lives have changed a lot and to such an extent that maybe our absence will be more appreciated.
- What do we talk about? Earlier we were both single and apparently we could relate to each other. But, I can’t relate to you now. I only have movies, books and my parents and neighbour couples to look for reference (because I’ll never know what it’s like to lead a married life).
Long ago I started noticing the changes in a woman’s friends-circle. First there are friends from school/ college/ uni. You finish college and start working. Then your co-workers become your friends/ confidantes. Soon, you find Mr. Right (even if he’s Mr. Wrong, I’m not debating that case here) and his friends become your friends. Then you get married and live happily ever after. One day, you become a mother. Now, your friends are other moms. Moms in the park with their strollers, you start striking up a conversation and before you know they’re on your FB’s friends list exchanging ideas on vaccination and fixing play-dates.
It doesn’t end here. Your child grows up and starts going to a pre-school. Your child’s chums’ parents then become your friends. I’ve actually seen all this in a friend. This friend happens to be a friend’s co-worker and I have kept in touch with her (thanks to all the free baby-sitting I’d done for her). It was on her son’s 7th birthday celebration (she’d invited me) that this phenomenon (of ever evolving friend-circle) struck me. I saw her “recent” friends were all David’s (the son) friends’ parents.
As for me and as of today, I have limited friends – married (smug or not) and single (permanently or for the time being) alike – have seen them through relationships, engagement, wedding, divorce, reconciliation, second-marriage, children, extra-marital affairs, almost-divorce….. and everything a friend is supposed to see each other through. We try to keep in touch (despite our busier-than-thou schedules), if not every now and then we simply like each other’s status/ pics/ comments on Facebook (a subtle sign of I’m “still in touch”).